Just Married... Not?

Marriage. Since I got back to Indonesia about two weeks ago, that is the only word I hear every single day over and over again. It begins when suddenly my older brother brought up this topic about a month ago, that he wanted to propose his current girlfriend and get married as soon as possible, then my mom starts asking me when I am going to bring my boyfriend home when I don't even have one now. I mean, come on. I understand her worries. Maybe some of you doesn't really get it why my mom is in rush about this marriage thing when I am just turned 20 about two months ago but here in my country, we have a really strong social pressure to get married and have kids in young age. Believe me or not, we have this invisible rules that women should get married before 25... and now I'm 20. Great.

I did not really care about this marriage social pressure thingy a year ago, but once I turned 20, suddenly all my family, Indonesian friends and relatives starts to ask me.

"Maya! You've got boyfriend yet?"

Please, mind your own business. It might be okay if only my closest friends ask me that, but suddenly even all my mothers' relatives and friends that I don't even close with asking me over and over again. And my parents start talking about all this marriage things about every single day that made me want to scream, really. The thing is, after they lecture me about marriage thingy everyday, they also state what kind of son-in-law they expected me to find. I know it's for my own sake, but I mean, hey I am the one who will marry this guy in the future, not them. With all those criteria, I am not sure I will find one any soon, trust me. Moreover because I am studying in Japan now.

I hate this social pressure. Of course I don't want to get married in such an old age like 35 or something, but at least, I want to get married when I am ready, not because I have to. And where's the sake of love when everything's been done in order to fill in society's expectation? I don't want to live for other people. I want no one but myself to decide what to do. Get married is not something that can be done in hurry even though I know it's important. It's not that... easy. 

I believe, once I finish my study in Japan and go back here, everyone will start asking me when I will get married. I can imagine I am going to get bunch of wedding invitations from my friends that I should attend every weekends and seeing those happy bride and meeting other people during the wedding ceremony (and don't forget being asked about that marriage thing all over again) will make the pressure even crazier.

Is it really a sin staying single for more than 20 years, really?

You know, once I got married, I have to give up so many things. Traveling by my own like what I did last February, (maybe) go to graduate school (I doubt my future husband will let me go abroad alone), and things that could be done only if I am unmarried. Okay, why I sound like I am afraid of commitment now? Guess I am too free. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-marriage. I'd love to and certainly will do.. someday. And I really want to get married when I want to and feel that I am ready. These marriage talks that I've been through everyday just makes me want to go back to Beppu as soon as possible. To a place where I don't have to think about that M word and receive that social pressure everyday.

Come on. I don't even have boyfriend yet.

Five Years is Not a Short Time

So, here I am, already back in Jakarta, Indonesia for my long-awaited summer vacation. I am back to my life as a city girl and I surprised that I couldn't get used to it like I used to. Seems things change while I am in Beppu and my point of view and how I value things changed. Anyway, before I got home, I heard one news that I don't want to hear the most: my older brother and his girlfriend broke up, and this time, there is no turning back.

They had been seeing each other since five and a half years ago, while both of them studying in the same university. It's hard for me to get close to her in the beginning, but then, we got really close and often went for trips together with my brother as well. For me, she is like an older sister I never had. And seeing her together with my brother was one of my little happiness because they were fit for each other. At least that's what I thought.. until they broke up couple weeks ago. And the reason they broke up seemed so unavoidable anymore.

I knew her since my third year of junior high school, I remember her helping me chose the right high school, becoming my fashion guru since when I was young I had no taste on fashion at all (only dark-colored T-shirt and jeans.. okay, come on), supporting me when I was about going to college, helping me with my first paper in college where shockingly I got F for the first time because I did not know how to make a good academic report in college style, and on and on. I feel I'd grown up together with her. Even she still made me the cupcakes for my homecoming presents today.

Yes, so today, I met her after one year apart. We went for girls day out to one of new malls in Jakarta. And it's still so hard for me to believe that she's not together anymore with my brother. We always went for walk or just hanging out together with my brother and suddenly, today there were only two of us. And I know she also felt the same. Even though she tried to act strong and cheerful, I could see she still broke in the inside. And have to watch her like that just made me feel broke as well.

She's just like a family for me. She knows my preference on clothing, shoes; even she knows which clothes I was going to take a look before saying it to her! I guess five years is not a short time and also inside that five years there must be thousands of memories that could not be replaced. Okay, just writing this made me all teary right now. I don't know how she could act that strong in front of me for the whole day. Having girls day out with me must tore her down since we turned out talking about the past and it might create more sad memories to her. And also to me.

Losing her feels just like the same like losing a close family for me.
Five years is not a short time, that what I said repeatedly inside of my head since the first time I heard about that news.
As his sister, I could not say that I am not disappointed and sad about this, but again, I could not do anything about it. For sure this will create another scar, even for me.

Why relationship seems so complicated?

You're an Introvert? Extrovert? Who Cares!

So, today is my first day of summer vacation, but I spent it by taking Summer Session for about 4 days. I'm already dying for summer vacation but instead, I am taking another course; the reason is just because the course is Peer Leader Training II. The professor really knows how to teach and make the best out of his students, that's why I am taking it despite in this hot weather.

Professor introduced us to one common psychologist test in USA called MBTI. Maybe some of you know about it and have ever taken before. But here in Japan, it's a quite brand new thing. I guess I'd read about it somewhere in internet before, but I am not sure whether it is really the MBTI one or other online psychologist test.

Okay, anyway, my result was INFJ (Introvert, Intuition, Feeling, Judging). It is said about something that I always want to know reason and connections behind things. I am curious what motivate people doing certain things. It is said that I am really commit with things once I decide and have a long term concrete goal because I am an organized type of person. Well, after thinking back my past and present, I'm kind of agree with the result. Even the career opportunities being written in the booklet are actually my childhood dreams. I was like wow.

The reason the professor asked us to take this test is simply he wants us to understand one thing.. we should understand differences. Everyone is different and we should accept it; not thinking that as a strange or wrong thing.

Actually, I had this one problem from a long time ago. Yes, I am an introvert. I'm inherited it from my dad and I knew it since forever. I don't need to take that test to know it. Even though my dad is an introvert, but he doesn't look like one. Yes, he enjoys reading books and watching DVDs alone, but he socializes just fine and everyone knows and loves him. Surrounded by my mom and my brother that are extra-extrovert made me always think that being an introvert is so inferior. Something that I must solve.

So I came to APU hoping that I can become more extrovert. I started joining lots of activities, events, organizations, gathering.. everything that could help me on developing my self and also my communication skill. In APU, most of international students are extroverts. Also, being an RA, I don't know why but I got this blur image that an RA should be an extrovert in order to be close with the residents. So I start thinking that I should change myself to become an extrovert in order to survive.

But in the end, I got tired lying to myself. I will always be an introvert. Honestly, sometimes I feel a little bit down and annoyed by myself, by the fact that I could not be as easy-going as other people. Then, today, the professor said something that really changed my point of view.

Being an introvert doesn't mean your socialize skill is low that make you unable to make lots of friends and being an extrovert doesn't guarantee you having a high skill of socialize with other people as well.

So, that's the answer I've been searching for years. No matter what type of person you are, your skill is the one who determine who you are. I really wanted to become more easy-going person that's why I became an RA; I wanted to be able to talk casually with everybody, just like everyone I know do. Then, I failed. I will never be able be as extrovert as the real extrovert people. I thought something must be wrong with me. But then, when I had group discussion in class with the introvert people and talked about what I worry most as being an introvert, they also had the same ideas with me and I just realize that it is... normal. Being an introvert is normal. It doesn't mean my effort this year is useless where the matter of fact I couldn't change myself to become an extrovert. When I start the discussion, I could easily talk with them. I might not as talkative as other extrovert, but I become more talkative and easy going rather than other introverts. I guess that's what the professor means by skill, right? And I am glad that I got that skill from my past experiences, including being an RA.

In conclusion, I will always be an introvert for the rest of my life. I will always enjoying reading books over weekend, watching movies, or enjoying beautiful scenery alone when I have too much thing in my head, just like my dad. But in the other hand, I will always try to enjoy meeting new friends, talk with others and be spontaneous as well, so I can sharpen my socialize skill. I guess I found out my dad's secret.

Nothing wrong of being an introvert or extrovert. Who cares! The best thing of all is just be yourself.