Repeating Histories

All I see when I have to goto campus are new students. They are all around me, wandering around in groups with faces full of excitement of what they will going through for the next 4 years ahead. Or at least, having their first snow in Japan.

Weirdly enough, seing all of them, I feel like suddenly I am able to see my own self walking around with them. Two years ago, I was just exactly like them. I could recall everything from my first semester (or even first year) as if it's just happened yesterday. The very first time I passed through the highway road from Fukuoka Airport to reach Beppu, the time I saw my campus gate for the first time, the first time I arrived in AP House, the first time I met my first international friend and also my Japanese sharemate 11 days later, the excitement went to all the new student orientation guidance, and lots more.

Even when I visited AP House today, I could smell the same smell just like it presented during my first week there. The things that I couldn't understand is, why all these memories strongly coming back now; I mean, I'd repeated the same fall last year. I wonder if it has anything to do of me being over-busy last semester.

All the excitement's brought by the new students that rose up to the sky made me feel excited as well. As if excitement could spread out within people. But one thing that I realize when I saw them is how limited my time left in APU. And even though I could remember what happened two years ago, I couldn't deny but day by day it becomes blurry and worn out. I couldn't remember how I really was if the new students didn't help me to remember.

Makes me wonder, would everything will be forgotten as if nothing's happened once I stepped out from Japan?

Fall Is Just Around the Corner

Despite all the Fall Collection every clothing stores here could offers (knitted sweaters! oxford shoes! shawls!), I can actually smell fall already on the air. Just like a morning breeze, it spreads fresh air that lift up the spirit to look further at the other side of the line. Wait until the leaves change color and everything would be perfect. Things will start new and fresh. As much as I couldn't wait for fall to come, I couldn't believe I'm starting as a junior from next month.

This quick blog post will be a little remark of me having this little blog for the whole two years and living in Japan as well. Applause, applause.

Pieces From the Past

Have you ever been away from home for a pretty long time and then came back and felt completely strange? Well, let me tell you how's it feel. Going back home after let's say one year away always feel strange. There's two way how you might describe it. Some part of yourself would think you became unfamiliar with the place and there's something missing from your memory. And then the other part of yourself, might be the one that unconsciously had been missing being home more than you can imagine, feel so good to be home that you'd think you had never really left home.

For me, going back home is like having amnesia. For one year or whatever years you been away, is the missing memories that you would never remember because you weren't around. Then, somehow things are not exactly the same like you remember before you left. You wouldn't recognize the street that you always passed by for years because they made new street nearby. Or you find yourself get lost at your favorite bookstore that you'd known for ages just because the new manager changed all the positions. Yes, when you got home, pretty sure everything will change and things are unrecognizable. Not cool, yeah I know. The place that you thought you'd known the best, turned out you don't know a thing. Just like missing a party that everyone's invited.

You might doing something completely different when you're away; having different lifestyle, doing different work, being with different people. Then, you are expected by yourself to re-adapt with your previous life and it's feel kind of unfamiliar at the first place. You might always sleep at 4 in the morning due your work and then all of sudden you have to sleep before 10 pm because nobody still awake after that time. Or you always find yourself easy to get anywhere you want without asking anybody's permission but suddenly you have to give something like hourly 'report' to your overprotective Mom. But the end of the day, you have to adjust to that kind of lifestyle and it feels like something new because you are not used to it for a very long time.

As the time goes by, the amnesia you're having will recover one by one. You'd see from the window of your car places that you used to go a lot. And the memories would follow by. You will start thinking how much you loved drinking bubble gum drink or watching the latest movie at the mall with your friends, or how often you went to a supermarket with your parents, or how often you went to hair salon to get your hair done. Suddenly you remember every details of that and you couldn't stop yourself but missing those time. And without you realize, a smile will formed at the corner of your mouth.

And the best of all, when you fully recover from your amnesia; get used to your previous lifestyle and remember all the places you loved to go and start going there again because you just love going there; suddenly you had to leave... again.

Runaway Back Home

"I've got my things packed. My favorite pillow. Got my sleeping bag. Climb out the window. All the pictures and pain. I left behind. All the freedom and fame. I've gotta find. And I wonder. How long it'll take them to notice that I'm gone. And I wonder. How far it'll take me. To run away.." Pink - Runaway

It's been a month I stayed in Indonesia. And without I realized, next Sunday I will fly back to Japan. It took me almost a month to get used to my previous life in Jakarta, and when I finally get used to it and things seem much better, I have to go back. That's life. But as I am enjoying shopping here, meeting my old friends and spending quality time with my dad, I cannot wait to go back to Beppu somehow. 

In Memories We Live

To be honest, I am a type of person who live in memories. I could spend hours opening those old dusty photo albums just to look at my old photos and smile widely as the memories fade in. Saying things like, 'Gosh, it's been years!' or 'OMG, wish I could go back in time,'. Yes, I am short of person like that.

Frankly enough, today, out of nowhere one of my friends proudly told me she just had a long-distance call with her boyfriend who lives in Europe and it made me have a short flashback of things happened months ago. And that's all it takes to feel something as sharp as paper cut inside of my heart and it does hurt. 

Yes.. I agree memories could kill people.

I Must Be Really Heartbroken

Flash-news. I cut my hair again today, not extremely short since I already cut half of my hair last Sunday; but I cut it around 3 cm shorter. I thought it wouldn't give any effect at first, but then I realize it does and I love it.

Cut, cut, cut. Fresh, fresh, fresh!

When the Girls Remain Friends

Let me tell you a story about boy and girl this time. These two young people met in college years ago and had the sweetest relationship ever. But faith took in their lives and force them to walk away from each other after years being together. One night, they're reunited during their friends' wedding reception and no words being exchanged between them. Silence spoke louder than any scream to people who knew their stories. In the past, they meant a whole world for each other, but now, they meant nothing. It's awkward and sad in the same time. In the end of the night, I was there to be the one who has to witness both of them had to walk away from each other... again.

If Haircut Could Heal

Finally, I had my haircut today after the last 7 months (did perm in Korea last February). Guess what, when the hairdresser start to cut my hair, seeing those perm-dark brown hair fell to the floor one by one, I cannot help but wanting him to cut more and more. Weirdly, I just wanted to get rid of my long hair as much as possible.

Time to start a new fresh, eh?

I Was About Getting To Know You

Forget about Japan. Forget about me studying in Ritsumeikan APU. Let's use some of our imagination and imagine what if I never heard of APU. What if I never dreamed going to Japan. What if I stayed in Indonesia two years ago. What if I entered University of Indonesia and studying in this Faculty of Humanities majoring in English Literature like my Mom always wanted.

I could see myself wake up every early morning, going to my campus in Depok (outer part of Jakarta), having some traffic jam and pulling out the dryness of the weather to attend some lectures. Meeting my friends from the same faculty and feel uneasy with some seniors that their faces I might know from the new students orientation time. Studying with my closest friends for the upcoming quiz and go to library after class. Eating in cafeteria during lunch break. I might not interested in joining any extra-curricular or clubs or organization since I don't have any confident enough to take important part of the student body. I would awkwardly think introvert like me could never socially fit into that kind of things. Then start hating myself for not giving a try.

Then, I would go to other faculties just to meet my high school friends that went there and hanging out with them on Friday or weekend. Whenever I got free time, I might go to library again since it's so cool and big. Or otherwise, go home. I'd spend my weekend time with my friend or family, go around malls in Jakarta; there's plenty of new malls or restaurants to try. If I don't have any class? I'd might stay at home and watch DVD instead. Or I might busy hunting for some literature books for my reports. Or even have my hair treatment every two weeks just like I always do during high school. Don't talk about taking care of residents or other people when I'd still be that little shy and quiet Maya who doesn't talk a lot and doesn't know how to start and keep some conversation going. 

Surely, I don't have to worry about Oita Bus schedule, when I have to do my monthly groceries, what to eat, calculate my monthly budget, when I have to do my laundry, when I have to clean up my apartment, find new apartment to live, change my address every time I moved or when I have to pay my monthly rent. The only thing I should worry is my studies since all my basic needs are taken care by my parents. Whatever I need, I just need to ask my parents directly, even doing such a simple thing such as copying and scanning something.

If I'd never gone to Ritsumeikan APU, I won't be who I am today.

My Old Distant Dream

So, here I am, being sick and all jobless, literally writing from the border of my warm bed. I couldn't get out from bed for almost three days because of this cold and I wish I'll get better soon since I want to go around Jakarta before I get back to Japan 11 more days. I ended up playing over my old DVD collection all day long since there's nothing much I can do in such condition. Watching my favorite American movies just brought back memories.. and moreover, my old dream.

All of sudden, I remember how I was dying to go back to States back then, wanting to go to college there and even live in Big Apple City, yes you named it, New York City. I'd never understand even by myself why I really want to live in that crowded metropolitan city. I guess I just drown to that city with no reason. You know, sometimes you found yourself drown into something that you couldn't explained. That's how I feel about States and New York. I remember one of my best friends told me once, "What's the point coming to New York where all you can see is skyscrapers and stuffs?" Don't ask me, I had no clue.

Doing things I usually do during high school has different story. Somehow it feels like finding my old self looking back at me and asking me where had I been. I almost forgot that I had so many dreams back then, and I really tried my best to make it real. Dozens of books proved it all. My effort studying for IGCSE and AS Level Exam, and even I bought SAT Preparation Book; proved I was preparing my future seriously. I remember went to so many Study Abroad Fair two or three years ago; guess I was really determined to realize my dream back then. Everything reminds me of how once I was aiming that high.

I wonder, how'd it be like if I really went to college to States instead of Japan.

Guess I would never had that encounter then.

How My Heart Set On Beppu

Yes, I miss Beppu that much. Makes me wonder, how will I be able to handle it one day when we have to be separated forever?

Weekend Gateway: Trip with my Brother

It's been quite a long time since I had a trip with my loud older brother. We had a trip about one and a half year ago in Japan and finally we went to Malaysia last weekend for two days trip with his co-workers. Not being similar despite we are siblings made us mistaken having romance relationship by them *sigh for hundred times* 

It's nice we could spent time together like the old times. I guess I miss our brother-sister time so much. We are so close since we don't have any other sibling.

Then suddenly I remember, unless he get married next year, I will not come back home until I graduate from APU which means I wouldn't able to see him for the next two years. Just want to say that I'm glad having a trip with him after a very long time =)

We Are Friends, Right? 友達じゃないの？

Friendship never ends. That is what I thought when I meet my old friends. Meeting them just like you found your time capsule because when you are with your old friends, you will start talking about the past and all of those silly things you did together with your best buddies. They help you remind you of how were you back then. They help you remind you of who you are. That's the best thing about having old friends.

I met these girls a very long time ago. It was 8 years ago when we started to know each other. Yeah, you heard it right. Eight years. Almost one decade. We were originally from the same junior high school. Three of us were in the same class on 7th grade. The girl beside me? She was in the same class with me for 6 years in a row (since junior high until high school). One of us was not in the same high school. But uniquely, even though the four of us never in the same class, we still close friends even until now, when we are already in different college and even live in different country (me!). I am really amazed of how time flies and how our friendship never gets old. Every time we met and having our girls day out, we always have something to talk and that's what I am glad about. One of the biggest fear of my life is meeting a friend that I haven't seen for ages and suddenly everything changed that we feel awkward with each other and don't know any topic to talk about. I really wish those kind of days will never come.

I can still remember all of our first encounter with each other. How I met Arien in mosque; how I met Yasmine when she asked me whether somebody already taken the sit beside me or not during the very first day of school; how I never really officially introduced myself to Firzi (we knew each others' name just because we were classmate and she sat behind me and Yasmine). It's funny when we think about that. We met certain people and never thought that they will stay in our life for a long time in the first place. 

Yesterday, when we had our little reunion, suddenly I remember lots of things; moments we've been through together for the past eight years. Got my first birthday surprise from them, our annual ice skating routine (even though we couldn't do it this year), celebrate each others' birthday by going somewhere together and having something nice to eat, had a little farewell party for me before I went to Japan, had our little reunion every time I came back to Indonesia, and much more. We rarely meet each other, actually, because we have distance; but somehow distance is the one who keep us close. Distance makes us have to wait for the next meeting in order to tell the latest stories; and the best part of it is when you got the chance to hear it after a very long time. It's like revealing some untold secrets you've been dying to hear.

Busyness might cruelly tries to make us apart, but we will still keep in touch with each other for more years to come. They deserve to be in my VIP Guest List in my future wedding! Love you all!