After Weeks and Months

“

I think— I think when it’s all over, it just comes back in flashes, you know? It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories, but it just all comes back. But he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It’s not really anything he said, or anything he did. It was the feeling that came along with it. And.. crazy thing is, I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel that way again. But I don’t know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks.. so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that, when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him, it was losing me.

 

I don’t know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.

” Taylor Swift - I Knew You Were Trouble

As the New Year Getting Near

「いつまでチャンスもったいなくするつもり？」

「But is that even healthy? Is that even the kind of relationship that you want?」

I guess it's time for me to make some real decision.

Rainbow Over the Rain

Sometimes in life, you have to get through some hardship to realize things. And sometimes, you should be wet in the rain to understand the beauty of rainbows. I was applying for internship for the past 2 weeks. It is not something that easy to get considering I have to be fluent in Japanese to be able to apply for it. Moreover, all the application form, resume, and short essay should be written in Japanese with hand-writing, and without correction pen. Yes, once you mistaken one word or even only one stroke of Kanji, you have to write everything all over again. 

As I know I have to come back to Indonesia after I finished my study here, getting internship here is the closest thing I can do to make my dreams of having working experience in Japan comes true. So, when my best friend told me about this internship thing, I took this internship thingy seriously this time. Actually, I just finished the internship interview this morning even though I couldn't tell at all whether I could pass or not. But the thing is, I am glad I give it a try, and really working hard for it.

I wrote the internship entry sheet until 3 am in the morning and had to rewrite it for more than 3 times. My essay was being checked again and again until I had to changed it for 5 times. I almost missed the last bus from my campus because I was writing my resume in library until late night. I remember what my brother said not so long time ago.

"Hard things won't happen twice, enjoy it, every second of life,"

I guess he's right. But the thing is, it is not that I MUST get the internship or not, but how was brave enough to challenge myself to pick that application form and start writing on it. Usually, I will just give up even before I try to with an excuse of not having enough time to write it, but actually I was hiding inside my comfort zone. And I just realized a lot of things from this.

I got a chance to talk with Saga-san, the officer of SAS, and I just realized how much she actually really care about me. I already worked with her for 2 years and she really encourage and support me to apply for the internship. As she's going to leave APU next semester, I realized this would be the last time I had a chance to talk and discuss things with her. I don't know if I could meet someone like her in the future, where she really believes in my potential, more than myself and support me like my own mother (sometimes even more).

Being used to solve my own problem by my own since I was little, I used to think that asking for help is kind of a weakness, as if you are not capable enough to do your things on your own. But sometimes, there's things in life that you need other people to help you, and that's not necessary showing that you are weak, that's what I learn. I always stand up by my own whenever I fall and ignoring the pain of my bleeding knees and keep walking forward, but actually if I just stop for awhile, I will see those people are there for me, reaching out their hands and more than willing to help me heal the wounds.

There are people like Saga-san, who fully support me and believe on me very much. Doesn't mind taking her own time to check my essay and give lots of advice for me. Those people like my friend who were willing to check my Japanese grammar for about 6 hours long. The other Japanese friends who helped me practicing for the interview. And that one friend who even came to the interview place in this early morning to give his full support for me and even bought me some chocolate so I could calm down. 

おまじない omajinai from my Japanese friend

They don't know how their little action give so much impact on me and how it really meant for me. For the first time, when they said 「頑張ってね！ganbatte ne!」 or "do your best!" from the way they said it, I could really feel that they really meant it and support me and it's really encourage me to not give up in the process because they really believe in me. And as I said, well.. I do wish I can get the internship, but even if I failed, I won't regret it because I already did my best for this and more over, I could realize things that I never realized before.

And that's what I really need for now.

ps. anyway please wish me luck that I could get the internship! lol 

Japanese Hotpot: Cheese Nabe!

Winter has came and it's freaking cold! Definitely it's much colder than last year. It's just the beginning of December and the temperature has already dropped to minus degree Celcius. Usually, in December, we never go below minus. It's already snowing in my campus, but because I have to finish my individual research, I am stuck in my room in this weekend while seeing all my other friends posting their photos playing with snow on Facebook. So not fair.

Anyway, to repay my precious weekend and reward myself of such hard work (I even skipped watching my favorite annual Wind Orchestra Concert in my campus!), I decided to make Nabe. What is Nabe, anyway? Simply to put in word, it's a Japanese Hotpot. It's so easy to make, only put the sauce, all the ingredients you want to have on your Nabe and add boiled water inside a pot. Cook for about 10 to 15 minutes (just make sure all the ingredients already well-cooked and come done), you can enjoy your Nabe!

prepare all the ingredients!

put them on pot!

cooked them well! oh! don't forget to add some cheese! =9

Wherever you are right now, if you got winter hanging on the corner, try to cook Japanese Nabe! Well, I don't know if the Nabe Sauce is available in your city or not, but trust me, it's really good and you can put anything you like inside the pot!

 For those who are struggling with cold and winter just like what I am doing right now, keep yourself warm and try not to catch a cold! =)

Piece of the Summer Heat

The only reason why suddenly I post this up because of my brother, who seems addicted on uploading our unpublished photos on facebook. I was in the middle of completing my lecture reviews last night (around 3 am) and suddenly I got notifications from my brother that he already tagged me on around 20 photos of last summer photos! I mean, come on, he even tagged me on those photos that I don't think should go public! Embarrassing pose, I would say. 

This is what I'm talking about, weird pose of mine!

this one is even weirder -___-

okay, this is so alay (so-not-cool)

The thing is, I went back to Indonesia for about more than 30 days, but this was the only occasion that the 4 of us could gather and go somewhere together! Isn't it crazy? I mean, how life and busyness is so cruel on human's life. There's nothing wrong about it, it's called life. I know. But still, I wish I could spend more time with my family, I mean the four of us, just like years before.

  
Oh well. I should be glad I still able to see my parents being healthy and fit. That'll be more than enough for me.

Sushi Farewell Party

Another goodbye and see you later someday somewhere. I never knew human's heart is this strong to bear so many goodbyes in life. And also, enjoying Thursday night with these expensive sushi I've ever eaten in Japan after a very long day of classes. Be well, dear my sharemate. Wish everything the best for you.

Three Years Later

Okay, this is going to be a very random quick post before I start studying for JLPT N2 (which will be held tomorrow, lol yeah, I know). I just found this picture of the 17-years-old me when I was searching for the file for my pas photo that I needed for applying internship in my hard disk. It is made by my junior high school classmate for my sweet seventeen birthday, three years ago. I remember I liked his design very much that I downloaded it and saved it for years lol

17-years-old of me, High School 2nd year

20-years-old of me July, 2012

I did change, I guess. Or didn't I? 

Explore a New Place: Yufuin City

Alright, call me lame or something like that but yesterday was my very first time I went to Yufuin City, one of the tourist attraction city in my prefecture in Japan while almost all of my friends already been there at least once in the past two years! I'd never visited Yufuin which is only take 1 hour by bus or train from my place, while I've been going to far places such as Kansai, Kagoshima and even Busan, Korea. How ironic, how ironic. 

My impression of this beautiful village is it is about three things. Artwork, food, and traditional village scenery! Basically it doesn't look like a modern city at all, instead, it looks like a Japanese old village in a very long road with bunch of shops, cafe, restaurant, art pieces shop, museum in the sides of the main road. Don't forget you'll also find so many Korean tourists in the way, yes you heard it. Korean tourists! I heard Korean Language like everywhere, in every inch and corner of this Yufuin City. I remember they have special advertisement about Oita being aired in television in train stations in Seoul. That's must be one of the reason why.

The Foods

I ate like a pig yesterday. I just couldn't help it. Yufuin full of desserts and foods! Super yummy Cheese Koroketto, Strawberry Choco Soft Ice Cream (it is really soft!), Honey Pudding with Soft Ice Cream, Fruit Mix Crepes, Cheese Soft Ice Cream, Yufuin Cheese Cake.. no wonder, all the cats that I met there were really fat! They must living in heaven lol If you've never eaten any of Yufuin desserts, put it on your have-to-do list before you die, seriously. When we are having lunch, how they put the foods were beyond artistic as well. I am nuts about foods in Yufuin! Next time, when I have a chance to visit again, I'll make sure I try Yufuin Burger that I heard very tasty!

The Art Work

If you love arts, you can find so many art work in Yufuin. Statue, art pieces that being sold in shops, or some decoration in the road. I mean, even the buildings are artistic as well! For me, who enjoying art work since high school, it was a hard temptation to not buy any of them. The price is freaking expensive for those tiny things! Well, it's just I didn't bring enough money to buy. Make sure you have enough money with you when you visit Yufuin lol

The Scenery

Not another word, but if you come to Yufuin, you'll enjoy Yufuin as much as I do. Eat Yufuin foods and desserts, enjoying (or probably buying) those art work pieces, and taking photos of its beautiful Japanese scenery all way along. Autumn is the best season for visiting Yufuin since it has so many beautiful maple leaves around. Well, I heard when it comes to winter, Yufuin also looks dazzlingly sparkling of white, because of the thick snow. You can choose though. Never forget to put this into your list whenever you got a chance to visit Japan!

Everybody Grows Up, So Do You!

Blame this drama for taking my sleep and study time for the past week! To be honest, I am not a big fan of Korean Drama, I prefer Japanese Drama because they have compact episode and more varies in genre and theme. While Korean Drama usually has longer episode and focuses too much in romantic aspect (try to watch it when you are broken heart; not the best thing to do). Anyway, why suddenly all of sudden I gave out this drama review, specifically this Korean Drama called Dream High?

I know lots of people watched this drama because all of the six main characters were played by famous Korean idols that I never heard of them before except one person! Actually, I didn't want to give it a try at first because of that reason, and I guessed the story line would be totally so-Korean-drama where there will be one decent girl fell for one decent boy, then there will be one other guy who will fall for that decent girl and another girl will try to get the decent boy. Well, it turns out something like that for this drama, but somehow, that is not the main point of the drama. And this is the first time where the decent girl doesn't end up with that decent boy, but with the other guy who always be there with her all the time. It takes the whole 16 episodes to show how the decent girl finally develop her feelings toward him, not something in a rush or forcefully. It's just comes out naturally, that's why it looks beautiful on screen.

The main story of this drama is about 6 students who enter Kirin Arts High School to achieve their dreams to become idols of Korea (reason why I didn't interested to watch it in the beginning; so typical). I don't know what makes me start to watch the first episode (maybe because I was bored?) and suddenly I couldn't put my eyes of the screen! Maybe because of the good songs they provided all the episodes along, or the story grows on me. It's not all about love story who makes me want to have boyfriends because of all those romantic or cute lovey-dovey scene, it talks about chasing your dream. A real dream. A forgotten dream. An endless dream. It reminds me of how important it is to have a dream, something that I'd forgotten for the past years.

“ Your drama has a long way to go before it’s over. So don’t force yourself to go quickly. If you go slowly, you can see a lot more, in more detail, than the people who go quickly. If you ask me who would grow more between those two, I’d say it’s the one who goes slowly and sees a lot. " - Kang Oh Hyuk

It is also interesting how the characters grew up throughout the drama. How the main character, Go Hye Mi, who was so cold and annoying in the beginning, became more matured as she had to face several problems and turned out to be the warmest character; how the weak boy, Song Sam Dong, turned out became the best of all and even confident to pursuit his dream; how the weak girl who has angelic voice but has obese problem successfully lose her weight and became the cutest among all, and how the most indecent teacher learnt from the students and grew up and became a very good teacher among the school. Well, maybe it sounds so cliche and so drama, but you should watch the whole episode of this drama to understand what I mean. Somehow seeing the characters growing up, reminds me of how things will change in this life as well. People change, people grow up, people come, people leave. That's so normal and that's we called life.

There are not a lot of Korean drama that gave me such a feeling when I finished watching it. How the characters grew up made me feel like I've know them for real and when the drama finished, I felt like losing some friends. I feel like growing up with them. As I said, watching this drama did remind me of my past dreams, all of the dreams that I already thrown away. Nobody knows I had a dream to become a script-writer, movie director, nor interior designer. Life laughed at me and forced me to throw away those dreams.. no, it's only me who were too afraid to break the walls and push the line. If I was given the chance to pursuit my dream, I might go to Art/Movie school or majoring in Foreign Language. I never regretting my decision going to APU though since it's the best thing that has ever happen in my life so far, but well you know what I mean, right?

Okay then, if you're free, try to watch this Korean drama! It is full with inspiring quotes and nice music, even though you're not really into Korean music (like me!). Have a nice week!

Literally Fell Down

When was the last time you fell off from your bicycle?

For me, it was yesterday.

As it hurt to fell to the asphalt road twice and had that heavy bicycle that even bigger than you fell upon you, you had to get up. Ignoring the pain you got from your knee that bleeding, you start to continue to walk without shed any single tears. 

That's how I face things in my life. 

White Angel's Voice

I did say I was lost. I did say I don't know what to do with my life. I did say that my future seems faded out from my sight. But, actually, all of them are the other form of what we called reality. Reality always messed up with us. Reality always made us kneeled down until we couldn't feel anything and think that fighting doesn't even worth anymore. Reality will always be there, in the corner of our life, waiting to simply get us and turn us down. That's true, but everytime we are down, we will always forget one thing. Forget that someone out there, there will always be those hands that will help us out, that will bring us back to life, to bring lights in the dark. Friends. That's who I am talking about.

" Just stop and look around. don't plan your life too much or else it'll laugh at you and take you somewhere else."

Someone told me that day that I need to take a break. I felt all of my life, I always run, run, and run. Run as fast as possible so I could make my parents proud. Run as fast as possible so I could be better than my big brother. Run as fast as possible so I could make my dream come true. Then, I realize. In some point of life, everyone needs a break time. I need to stop for awhile and see what I missed.

"..sometimes life's gonna hit you with a brick in the head. don't lose faith. don't waste your time living in other people's life." - Steve Jobs

Everyone has that moment when reality really hit them in head that makes you decided to give up things. Failed in audition, scholarships, part-time job, job-hunting or even going to the language school you really want to go that you spent the last 2 years to save money for it. Don't let the devil speaks to you, instead, go out and find those white angels' voices. If you really look around, they are everywhere. If you don't find any, look harder, it's not that they don't want to speak to you, but they are in disguise. Take off their invisibility cloak and you'll find them.

" I, I have a dream. I believe in that dream. Please watch over me. Standing in front of that cold wall called fate, I can firmly face it. One day I wil pass over that wall. And be able to fly as high as the sky. This heavy thing called life can't tie me down. At the end of my life, on the other day I can smile, let's be together."A Goose's Dream by In Soon In

.Say thanks to the problem. Say thanks to those difficult things that life offers to you. It will make you learn about what life really is and finally grow. And you'll understand about how those white angels always there with us all the time disguise as our friends. Never forget to treasure them.

Pocky Day! ポッキーの日！빼빼로 데이!

Today.
November 11th.
Yes, it's Pocky Day!Or in Korea, they called it Pepero Day (빼빼로 데이)!

Okay, if you have no idea about what is this Pocky thingy, it's actually a name of a snack. It's like a biscuit stick that dipped into chocolate or any other flavors. And about Pepero? It's just the Korean version of this Pocky Snack. Pocky is a Japanese snack established by Glico company while Lotte Company from Korea copied the idea of having the same snack under the name Pepero. But, the first one who starts this Pepero Day or Pocky Day was a group of high school students in Korea years ago. And seems Pocky also used the same strategy.

Why November 11th? Simply if we write it in number, it will be like 4 sticks of Pocky. 11-11. See? So, during this special day, everyone in Japan and Korea buy and give one pack of Pocky or Pepero to their friends, teachers, crush, anybody they meet in that day. Because this tradition first found in Korea, it is said that this Pepero Day in Korea seems like a very special day such as Valentine Day or White Day.

Especially last year, it was called a Super Mega Pocky Day or something like that because it was 2011-11-11. So many Pocky sticks on the date! I remember everyone holding a pocky in the campus last year. I also received two packs of Pocky from my partner RA and my building leader =)

This one was on November 11th, 2011. And the other one was taken on November 12th, 2011.
One word: Amazing. 

They really into this Pocky Day. Too bad, this year Pocky Day fell in Sunday. If it was on weekdays, I bet all the Pocky will gone really fast. 

It came to my curiosity how's the Pocky Day in such a weekend, so I just went out to take a look in several supermarket. It was not as crazy as in campus last year, but some supermarket used this special occasion to give a special price to make people buy. It supposed to be around 138 yen, but on this special day, they make it to be 111 yen. Another sticks lol

Because I am not an RA and not living in AP House anymore, seems I won't get any Pocky this year... that's what I thought lol But it turned out my Indonesian senpai (senior) gave me that big pocky balloon! Feel like being a child again but somewhat I am quite happy to get that balloon haha! And I do give some Pocky to my friends, especially this new Pocky flavor. It's Uji Matcha Flavor =) And it really does taste good. So wherever you are now, grab some Pocky today, just for today, and give it to your friends, brother, sister, crush, or your beloved one!

Happy Pocky Day!

For the First Time, I Lost My Way

Okay, to be honest, this post won't be a cheerful happy one that talks about sunshine and rainbow, so if you don't want to read it, just follow my advice, skip this. Yes, for the first time, lately I lost my way. It seems that I lost my dreams and goals and I don't know what to do. Things that I thought already in front of me, just waiting for me to grab them, suddenly blurred out and disappeared. 

I lost my youth. I read my high school friend's blog this afternoon and I envy of how she put a lot of life goals on her blog and actually pursuit them. I was used to be like her. Like a lot. But suddenly, I changed, and things that used to be exciting for me, it's just don't feel the same anymore. And whenever I think about future, it's like grabbing something that out of reach. I don't know what should I do for my future; whether I should go for my dreams or hold back for my mothers' sake. You must said that I supposed to live for my own life, even it means leave my mom behind, but trust me, you never met her. 

I got rejected just for finding part-time job, for like.. a lot already. Seriously don't ask me how many already. And now, all my friends that I knew for the last 2 years, had been graduating. It's really frustrating to go to campus to see unfamiliar faces. And I am not doing RA now, so I don't know how to get to know them. All my free times, I use to finish my assignment, assignment and assignment. I feel like a nerd now.

Life is complicated. Sure it is. And I'm lost.

Autumn Diary

Autumn.
Autumn.
Yes, it's autumn already.
I took this pictures when I was on the way for a part-time job's interview. The colors' change is just magnificent, don't you agree? It's not in Beppu, though, but somewhere in Oita City. Well, please enjoy! =)