After Weeks and Months

“

I think— I think when it’s all over, it just comes back in flashes, you know? It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories, but it just all comes back. But he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It’s not really anything he said, or anything he did. It was the feeling that came along with it. And.. crazy thing is, I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel that way again. But I don’t know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks.. so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that, when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn’t losing him, it was losing me.

 

I don’t know if you know who you are until you lose who you are.

” Taylor Swift - I Knew You Were Trouble

As the New Year Getting Near

「いつまでチャンスもったいなくするつもり？」

「But is that even healthy? Is that even the kind of relationship that you want?」

I guess it's time for me to make some real decision.

Rainbow Over the Rain

Sometimes in life, you have to get through some hardship to realize things. And sometimes, you should be wet in the rain to understand the beauty of rainbows. I was applying for internship for the past 2 weeks. It is not something that easy to get considering I have to be fluent in Japanese to be able to apply for it. Moreover, all the application form, resume, and short essay should be written in Japanese with hand-writing, and without correction pen. Yes, once you mistaken one word or even only one stroke of Kanji, you have to write everything all over again. 

As I know I have to come back to Indonesia after I finished my study here, getting internship here is the closest thing I can do to make my dreams of having working experience in Japan comes true. So, when my best friend told me about this internship thing, I took this internship thingy seriously this time. Actually, I just finished the internship interview this morning even though I couldn't tell at all whether I could pass or not. But the thing is, I am glad I give it a try, and really working hard for it.

I wrote the internship entry sheet until 3 am in the morning and had to rewrite it for more than 3 times. My essay was being checked again and again until I had to changed it for 5 times. I almost missed the last bus from my campus because I was writing my resume in library until late night. I remember what my brother said not so long time ago.

"Hard things won't happen twice, enjoy it, every second of life,"

I guess he's right. But the thing is, it is not that I MUST get the internship or not, but how was brave enough to challenge myself to pick that application form and start writing on it. Usually, I will just give up even before I try to with an excuse of not having enough time to write it, but actually I was hiding inside my comfort zone. And I just realized a lot of things from this.

I got a chance to talk with Saga-san, the officer of SAS, and I just realized how much she actually really care about me. I already worked with her for 2 years and she really encourage and support me to apply for the internship. As she's going to leave APU next semester, I realized this would be the last time I had a chance to talk and discuss things with her. I don't know if I could meet someone like her in the future, where she really believes in my potential, more than myself and support me like my own mother (sometimes even more).

Being used to solve my own problem by my own since I was little, I used to think that asking for help is kind of a weakness, as if you are not capable enough to do your things on your own. But sometimes, there's things in life that you need other people to help you, and that's not necessary showing that you are weak, that's what I learn. I always stand up by my own whenever I fall and ignoring the pain of my bleeding knees and keep walking forward, but actually if I just stop for awhile, I will see those people are there for me, reaching out their hands and more than willing to help me heal the wounds.

There are people like Saga-san, who fully support me and believe on me very much. Doesn't mind taking her own time to check my essay and give lots of advice for me. Those people like my friend who were willing to check my Japanese grammar for about 6 hours long. The other Japanese friends who helped me practicing for the interview. And that one friend who even came to the interview place in this early morning to give his full support for me and even bought me some chocolate so I could calm down. 

おまじない omajinai from my Japanese friend

They don't know how their little action give so much impact on me and how it really meant for me. For the first time, when they said 「頑張ってね！ganbatte ne!」 or "do your best!" from the way they said it, I could really feel that they really meant it and support me and it's really encourage me to not give up in the process because they really believe in me. And as I said, well.. I do wish I can get the internship, but even if I failed, I won't regret it because I already did my best for this and more over, I could realize things that I never realized before.

And that's what I really need for now.

ps. anyway please wish me luck that I could get the internship! lol 

Japanese Hotpot: Cheese Nabe!

Winter has came and it's freaking cold! Definitely it's much colder than last year. It's just the beginning of December and the temperature has already dropped to minus degree Celcius. Usually, in December, we never go below minus. It's already snowing in my campus, but because I have to finish my individual research, I am stuck in my room in this weekend while seeing all my other friends posting their photos playing with snow on Facebook. So not fair.

Anyway, to repay my precious weekend and reward myself of such hard work (I even skipped watching my favorite annual Wind Orchestra Concert in my campus!), I decided to make Nabe. What is Nabe, anyway? Simply to put in word, it's a Japanese Hotpot. It's so easy to make, only put the sauce, all the ingredients you want to have on your Nabe and add boiled water inside a pot. Cook for about 10 to 15 minutes (just make sure all the ingredients already well-cooked and come done), you can enjoy your Nabe!

prepare all the ingredients!

put them on pot!

cooked them well! oh! don't forget to add some cheese! =9

Wherever you are right now, if you got winter hanging on the corner, try to cook Japanese Nabe! Well, I don't know if the Nabe Sauce is available in your city or not, but trust me, it's really good and you can put anything you like inside the pot!

 For those who are struggling with cold and winter just like what I am doing right now, keep yourself warm and try not to catch a cold! =)

Piece of the Summer Heat

The only reason why suddenly I post this up because of my brother, who seems addicted on uploading our unpublished photos on facebook. I was in the middle of completing my lecture reviews last night (around 3 am) and suddenly I got notifications from my brother that he already tagged me on around 20 photos of last summer photos! I mean, come on, he even tagged me on those photos that I don't think should go public! Embarrassing pose, I would say. 

This is what I'm talking about, weird pose of mine!

this one is even weirder -___-

okay, this is so alay (so-not-cool)

The thing is, I went back to Indonesia for about more than 30 days, but this was the only occasion that the 4 of us could gather and go somewhere together! Isn't it crazy? I mean, how life and busyness is so cruel on human's life. There's nothing wrong about it, it's called life. I know. But still, I wish I could spend more time with my family, I mean the four of us, just like years before.

  
Oh well. I should be glad I still able to see my parents being healthy and fit. That'll be more than enough for me.

Sushi Farewell Party

Another goodbye and see you later someday somewhere. I never knew human's heart is this strong to bear so many goodbyes in life. And also, enjoying Thursday night with these expensive sushi I've ever eaten in Japan after a very long day of classes. Be well, dear my sharemate. Wish everything the best for you.

Three Years Later

Okay, this is going to be a very random quick post before I start studying for JLPT N2 (which will be held tomorrow, lol yeah, I know). I just found this picture of the 17-years-old me when I was searching for the file for my pas photo that I needed for applying internship in my hard disk. It is made by my junior high school classmate for my sweet seventeen birthday, three years ago. I remember I liked his design very much that I downloaded it and saved it for years lol

17-years-old of me, High School 2nd year

20-years-old of me July, 2012

I did change, I guess. Or didn't I?