Repeating Histories

All I see when I have to goto campus are new students. They are all around me, wandering around in groups with faces full of excitement of what they will going through for the next 4 years ahead. Or at least, having their first snow in Japan.

Weirdly enough, seing all of them, I feel like suddenly I am able to see my own self walking around with them. Two years ago, I was just exactly like them. I could recall everything from my first semester (or even first year) as if it's just happened yesterday. The very first time I passed through the highway road from Fukuoka Airport to reach Beppu, the time I saw my campus gate for the first time, the first time I arrived in AP House, the first time I met my first international friend and also my Japanese sharemate 11 days later, the excitement went to all the new student orientation guidance, and lots more.

Even when I visited AP House today, I could smell the same smell just like it presented during my first week there. The things that I couldn't understand is, why all these memories strongly coming back now; I mean, I'd repeated the same fall last year. I wonder if it has anything to do of me being over-busy last semester.

All the excitement's brought by the new students that rose up to the sky made me feel excited as well. As if excitement could spread out within people. But one thing that I realize when I saw them is how limited my time left in APU. And even though I could remember what happened two years ago, I couldn't deny but day by day it becomes blurry and worn out. I couldn't remember how I really was if the new students didn't help me to remember.

Makes me wonder, would everything will be forgotten as if nothing's happened once I stepped out from Japan?

Fall Is Just Around the Corner

Despite all the Fall Collection every clothing stores here could offers (knitted sweaters! oxford shoes! shawls!), I can actually smell fall already on the air. Just like a morning breeze, it spreads fresh air that lift up the spirit to look further at the other side of the line. Wait until the leaves change color and everything would be perfect. Things will start new and fresh. As much as I couldn't wait for fall to come, I couldn't believe I'm starting as a junior from next month.

This quick blog post will be a little remark of me having this little blog for the whole two years and living in Japan as well. Applause, applause.

Pieces From the Past

Have you ever been away from home for a pretty long time and then came back and felt completely strange? Well, let me tell you how's it feel. Going back home after let's say one year away always feel strange. There's two way how you might describe it. Some part of yourself would think you became unfamiliar with the place and there's something missing from your memory. And then the other part of yourself, might be the one that unconsciously had been missing being home more than you can imagine, feel so good to be home that you'd think you had never really left home.

For me, going back home is like having amnesia. For one year or whatever years you been away, is the missing memories that you would never remember because you weren't around. Then, somehow things are not exactly the same like you remember before you left. You wouldn't recognize the street that you always passed by for years because they made new street nearby. Or you find yourself get lost at your favorite bookstore that you'd known for ages just because the new manager changed all the positions. Yes, when you got home, pretty sure everything will change and things are unrecognizable. Not cool, yeah I know. The place that you thought you'd known the best, turned out you don't know a thing. Just like missing a party that everyone's invited.

You might doing something completely different when you're away; having different lifestyle, doing different work, being with different people. Then, you are expected by yourself to re-adapt with your previous life and it's feel kind of unfamiliar at the first place. You might always sleep at 4 in the morning due your work and then all of sudden you have to sleep before 10 pm because nobody still awake after that time. Or you always find yourself easy to get anywhere you want without asking anybody's permission but suddenly you have to give something like hourly 'report' to your overprotective Mom. But the end of the day, you have to adjust to that kind of lifestyle and it feels like something new because you are not used to it for a very long time.

As the time goes by, the amnesia you're having will recover one by one. You'd see from the window of your car places that you used to go a lot. And the memories would follow by. You will start thinking how much you loved drinking bubble gum drink or watching the latest movie at the mall with your friends, or how often you went to a supermarket with your parents, or how often you went to hair salon to get your hair done. Suddenly you remember every details of that and you couldn't stop yourself but missing those time. And without you realize, a smile will formed at the corner of your mouth.

And the best of all, when you fully recover from your amnesia; get used to your previous lifestyle and remember all the places you loved to go and start going there again because you just love going there; suddenly you had to leave... again.

Runaway Back Home

"I've got my things packed. My favorite pillow. Got my sleeping bag. Climb out the window. All the pictures and pain. I left behind. All the freedom and fame. I've gotta find. And I wonder. How long it'll take them to notice that I'm gone. And I wonder. How far it'll take me. To run away.." Pink - Runaway

It's been a month I stayed in Indonesia. And without I realized, next Sunday I will fly back to Japan. It took me almost a month to get used to my previous life in Jakarta, and when I finally get used to it and things seem much better, I have to go back. That's life. But as I am enjoying shopping here, meeting my old friends and spending quality time with my dad, I cannot wait to go back to Beppu somehow. 

In Memories We Live

To be honest, I am a type of person who live in memories. I could spend hours opening those old dusty photo albums just to look at my old photos and smile widely as the memories fade in. Saying things like, 'Gosh, it's been years!' or 'OMG, wish I could go back in time,'. Yes, I am short of person like that.

Frankly enough, today, out of nowhere one of my friends proudly told me she just had a long-distance call with her boyfriend who lives in Europe and it made me have a short flashback of things happened months ago. And that's all it takes to feel something as sharp as paper cut inside of my heart and it does hurt. 

Yes.. I agree memories could kill people.

I Must Be Really Heartbroken

Flash-news. I cut my hair again today, not extremely short since I already cut half of my hair last Sunday; but I cut it around 3 cm shorter. I thought it wouldn't give any effect at first, but then I realize it does and I love it.

Cut, cut, cut. Fresh, fresh, fresh!

When the Girls Remain Friends

Let me tell you a story about boy and girl this time. These two young people met in college years ago and had the sweetest relationship ever. But faith took in their lives and force them to walk away from each other after years being together. One night, they're reunited during their friends' wedding reception and no words being exchanged between them. Silence spoke louder than any scream to people who knew their stories. In the past, they meant a whole world for each other, but now, they meant nothing. It's awkward and sad in the same time. In the end of the night, I was there to be the one who has to witness both of them had to walk away from each other... again.