For the First Time, I Lost My Way

Okay, to be honest, this post won't be a cheerful happy one that talks about sunshine and rainbow, so if you don't want to read it, just follow my advice, skip this. Yes, for the first time, lately I lost my way. It seems that I lost my dreams and goals and I don't know what to do. Things that I thought already in front of me, just waiting for me to grab them, suddenly blurred out and disappeared. 

I lost my youth. I read my high school friend's blog this afternoon and I envy of how she put a lot of life goals on her blog and actually pursuit them. I was used to be like her. Like a lot. But suddenly, I changed, and things that used to be exciting for me, it's just don't feel the same anymore. And whenever I think about future, it's like grabbing something that out of reach. I don't know what should I do for my future; whether I should go for my dreams or hold back for my mothers' sake. You must said that I supposed to live for my own life, even it means leave my mom behind, but trust me, you never met her. 

I got rejected just for finding part-time job, for like.. a lot already. Seriously don't ask me how many already. And now, all my friends that I knew for the last 2 years, had been graduating. It's really frustrating to go to campus to see unfamiliar faces. And I am not doing RA now, so I don't know how to get to know them. All my free times, I use to finish my assignment, assignment and assignment. I feel like a nerd now.

Life is complicated. Sure it is. And I'm lost.